G.I. JOE is a G.I. NO!

GI Joe (2009)

cut the crap and straight to the point, you must LOVE G.I. Joe to love this movie!  it really was like watching street fighter all over again.  the corny lines and weak transitions – i think it would have done better if they broke it into a 10 part mini series.  and how many FLASHBACKS DO YOU NEED??!!!  if you want to tell their stories before they got to be who they are, tell them all in the beginning!!! the actors would go all misty eyed and you knew a flashback scene was eminent!

and was it just me or did those nano-missles look like lava lamps?  theres a point when Storm Shadow is running through Paris with a big neon green lava lamp.  all the money that was put into this movie, you could have been just a little more creative with props.  all the lil fanboys are probably hard at work building their own nano-lava lamps as we speak.

Duke vs Pretty Boy Duke?  whoever casted Channing Tatum needs their eyes checked.  he’s a pretty boy who couldnt act hard to save his life!!  SHAVE OFF HIS GOATEE! it was so distracting! i would have rather seen Van from Hell’s Kitchen S6 play DUKE!!!

Baroness vs. Scarlett?  Die Baroness.  everytime she walked i wanted to just punch her in her face.  the strut wasnt powerful, the strut was awkward and ridiculous.  it was like she was trying to hard to look bad ass but it came off like she didnt know how to walk in them heels.  scarlett? i hated all of your one liners, but since the only female counterpart is Baroness, you were saved.

Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow?  the absolute best portion of the movie.  i would have paid to watch a whole movie about them.

The Doctor/Rex … wow, wrong genre man.  i will never watch your movies ever again.  you straight scared me.  but i honestly thought you were Fisher Stevens.

Fisher Stevens

the movie was also too long.  i felt like i was sitting for 3 hours.  the scenes were just stretched out, but the action scenes were awesome.  the transitions were choppy and the flashbacks really killed it.

bottom line: GI Fanboys … this ones for you!